Recently I’ve reverted to doodling or doing simple sketches. Now I feel like I badly need to produce tons of creative output because it has been so long since I last created an artistic work or a good literary piece. I even bought a pen tablet so that I can directly make my drawings digital. But whenever I start facing my computer and opening certain programs — whether Photoshop, FireAlpaca or even Notepad — my fingers suddenly get stuck on the mouse pad making circles with the cursor while my brain tries to conceptualize what I want to draw or write. For example, a few minutes before actually writing this post I have already written around 150 words about something else which I randomly deleted leaving me once again with an empty Notepad window. Therefore I decided to just write about how I could not find the motivation to write something that would be worth reading or draw something worth seeing and sharing.
Some people tell me to just put it out there and let my creative juices flow whether or not it’s a great work just so I have an output. The point is to not stop writing or drawing until I finally get to the point when I am actually producing something wonderful. I feel sparks whenever I think about this advice. But apparently, it’s not enough to keep me bursting with enthusiasm.
At times, when people ask me why not just write something, I just give them a nonchalant shrug and say that it’s too cold for my brain to work (sure, blame it on the weather). There might be a connection between shorter, colder days and my brain’s creative juice shortage but probably that’s not the main reason why I just can’t make any creative outputs lately.
However, I am truly hoping that practicing with my new pen tablet would jumpstart my gears and make my brain overflow with creative juice once more.
Me: Yey! A pen tablet. Now I can do a lot of digital sketches!
Brain: Hehe… Good luck with that.
The school term is about to end. Year 2013 is about to end. All of the stress from work will soon end. But one thing is not reaching its end for sure, and that is my 2nd Book Project.
Apparently, NaNoWriMo was not enough motivation for me to finish a few chapters in my writing project[s]. The Christmas season is also not very conducive if one wants to simply make time to write for pleasure. However, I wonder if this holiday break will give me ample time to actually focus on this project, or all the stress from the Christmas rush will dawn upon me and activate hibernate mode.
It is probably because I am not a good writer that I can’t find any good motivation to keep me going. Or maybe because my passion and the field of my current profession exist in parallel dimensions. Probably, I’m just speculating a lot of different excuses in my mind which I can use whenever I rant about not finishing this writing project because I’m too shy to admit that I’m just one lazy bloke who could not afford any time to finish the writing projects I started.
Migraine attacks me like a thief in the night — unexpected and very untimely. Right now, I can’t even focus on writing anything (you wouldn’t believe how much effort I’ve spent writing this post).
On the brighter side of things, a new year is about to come and you know what that means. A chance to start anew with things left behind [unintentionally] during the previous year. I am very bad when it comes to being optimistic, but it wouldn’t hurt to hope for a bright sunshiny 2014 and to look forward to more wonderful things that may come with the new year.
Six months have passed and sadly, I have only moved a few sentences forward with my 2nd Book Project. I started this last May in order to have some sort of creative output. This project, which was mentioned in an earlier post, was inspired by some of the books which I [unfortunately] still haven’t finished. Amazingly, my mind subconsciously reminds me of this little writing project that I randomly open the file in my laptop and browse through it then just stare at the half-blank page.
I feel like a failure now after promising myself to not let anything get in the way of finishing this project, not even myself. Sadly, stress has eaten most of me that I resort to doing recreational no-brainer activities — of course, sleeping is number one on that list.
Pressure struck me since November is NaNoWriMo and I am certain that I can’t finish this novel within the month but my mind keeps nagging me that I should at least try to finish half or even just a quarter of it. I’m no expert in writing. Others may see me as a writer-wannabe who pretends he can actually write some good stuff out of his imagination. Probably there is a part of me who thinks that way that I actually am giving in to this pressure (or am I?).
No, I do not intend to finish this project by the end of the month — though that would be amazing if I could — but I do intend to at least make some progress this November. Maybe I should take away some of my leisure activities and just sit on my bed, turn my laptop on and play around with the keyboard until I end up adding even just one sentence to that half-empty space on my screen.
I am not the best writer there is, I admit. I’m probably not even a writer. But I do enjoy writing. For me, it is a form of art, an expression of feelings and ideas. I have written a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. Articles and editorial columns for the school paper, rants and random posts on my blog, even narratives and fan-fiction on online forums. Writing keeps my thoughts in order when they start flying around my mind in utter chaos.
Recently I have started to write a new story. I still haven’t decided whether it should be a fiction novel or a graphic novel, but I’m really driven to finish this project unlike my first try (which I might need to revisit since I still believe the concept is good). However, I got stuck after a few paragraphs and I can’t seem to find the inspiration to keep moving forward.
A lot has happened to me lately. Wave after wave of misfortune came to me like I’m in Lemony Snicket’s book series. These events have shaken me and I’m quite unstable and out-of-balance as of the moment that I can’t seem to push my 2nd Book Project forward.
Looking at it through a positive lens, I keep myself from falling any further and try to find more reasons to hold on to. I am truly stoked in finishing this project and I do hope that nothing, not even myself, can stop me from doing this.
Hopefully, what I’m experiencing now is just a very bad case of writer’s block which I can just shrug off by going out and taking a sip of coffee, or by consuming a tub of vanilla ice cream so I can continue on finishing my little project.
P.S. If you’re wondering why the title is labeled “II”, you may refer to the “I” through an old post in my other blog.