Writer’s Block V – A Lack Of Creative Juice

Recently I’ve reverted to doodling or doing simple sketches. Now I feel like I badly need to produce tons of creative output because it has been so long since I last created an artistic work or a good literary piece. I even bought a pen tablet so that I can directly make my drawings digital. But whenever I start facing my computer and opening certain programs — whether Photoshop, FireAlpaca or even Notepad — my fingers suddenly get stuck on the mouse pad making circles with the cursor while my brain tries to conceptualize what I want to draw or write. For example, a few minutes before actually writing this post I have already written around 150 words about something else which I randomly deleted leaving me once again with an empty Notepad window. Therefore I decided to just write about how I could not find the motivation to write something that would be worth reading or draw something worth seeing and sharing.

Some people tell me to just put it out there and let my creative juices flow whether or not it’s a great work just so I have an output. The point is to not stop writing or drawing until I finally get to the point when I am actually producing something wonderful. I feel sparks whenever I think about this advice. But apparently, it’s not enough to keep me bursting with enthusiasm.

At times, when people ask me why not just write something, I just give them a nonchalant shrug and say that it’s too cold for my brain to work (sure, blame it on the weather). There might be a connection between shorter, colder days and my brain’s creative juice shortage but probably that’s not the main reason why I just can’t make any creative outputs lately.

However, I am truly hoping that practicing with my new pen tablet would jumpstart my gears and make my brain overflow with creative juice once more.

***

Me: Yey! A pen tablet. Now I can do a lot of digital sketches!
Brain: Hehe… Good luck with that.
Me: T^T

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Morning Calm Indeed

It has been more than half a month since I arrived here at Gwangju, South Korea which was enough time for me to have tons of wonderful adventures. Our classes have not yet officially started that is why we have a lot of time in our hands to go out for trips.

What has made my stay interesting so far is the opportunity to make friends who came from different parts of the world. The diversity of our group is very enriching to both mind and soul. It is amazing and fun to share different cultures with each other.

Before I came here, I always wondered why it was called the “Land of the Morning Calm.” I never knew it was somehow self-explanatory. Back in Manila, I was used to waking up at around seven in the morning and find the streets very busy. But here, even though Gwangju is a metropolitan area, I wake up at seven and find myself in a , literally, calm morning. Most places open and
most people are out on the streets at around nine in the morning. Their days start quite later compared to Manila, but their nights are just as long. Nightlife is not something to worry about if you are a party animal.

The weather is another thing that makes me love Korea even more. During midday, when the sun is at its peak, it can get hot when there are not much clouds up in the sky. But the wind still blows a cool breeze so by just staying under a tree’s shade one can already avoid the harsh heat of the sun. Or there is always a coffee shop around the corner to enjoy a cool drink or some desserts (and free WiFi of course).

Reading about South Korea having the best internet connection around the world is not just propaganda. Experiencing its high-speed internet connection firsthand is just astounding. Streaming music and videos, uploading photos and sending mails are so fast you save a lot of time to enjoy more activities. However, it is definitely not perfect so some connections — especially WiFi — can get a bit unstable sometimes.

I’m so stoked for more wonderful adventures ahead of me here in Korea. Definitely, this is a country I would recommend everyone to visit at least once in their lifetime.

Empty Spaces and Goodbye Notes

Today is my last day at work. Part of me wants to scream “Finally, freedom!” but another is saying “Is this really goodbye?”. I’ve been in this job for two-and-a-half years and it has been a blast working with the various people I’ve met here.

It suddenly dawned upon me that everything that comes with today — all things existential, figurative and literal — is not just happening inside my head. Reality bit me. It bit me really hard. Its ice-cold fangs punctured my heart and made my whole body shudder. This is it. I am leaving.

All the random events of today are still floating in my head, trying to push their way to the bottom of the pit. It’s just hard to let them sink in. Our office is left with nothing but me and some of the very silent and inanimate furniture. My officemates shared a good meal to send me and one of my friends off (two of us will be leaving the office). I have finally turned over all of my tasks and responsibilities to other officemates. There is nothing left for me to do but to walk out the door and close it shut behind me. Right now I feel like everything just seems so surreal.

Honestly, I don’t even know what else to say. I’m just full of different feelings right now like a blender turning tons of different fruits into smoothie. My mind is almost blank, my body is cold and my heart feels heavy. I couldn’t even manage a sigh of relief. Maybe it’s just the mocha icing.

Probably it’s time for me to stand up from this chair and start walking to the door and finally close this part of my life. This time, I shall run free to the world outside and open myself to this new journey I am about to begin. I say not “goodbye”, but “see you later” to my friends who have become part of me in my two-and-a-half-year journey that is about to end.

Out with the Old and In with the New

After five long years, finally, my first ever laptop which I fondly call Bendita has now retired and been relieved of her duties. I sensed that she’s been waiting for this moment for a long time. Since the 3rd year I’ve used my laptop, she has been showing signs of deterioration already. The battery seems to have run dry that a fully-charged battery only lasted for less than 10 minutes. Then in her fourth year the clock stopped, so every time I turn the laptop on, it’s clock and calendar is reset to 01/01/01 00:00. This year, she started to be a bitch about her age that she just randomly turns off without any notifications whatsoever. Also, Bendita randomly hangs in the middle of a movie or while I’m in the middle of typing a blog post then shuts down after a minute of inactivity. I guess she’s just trying to tell me how much work she had already done in the past five years that it’s time for me to let her go.

Even though Bendita has become menopausal already, I still love her a lot because she had done so much in those five years we have spent together as partners. She helped me out in my school papers and researches. I was able to create a bunch of productions with her help. And of course, I am very grateful because without Bendita I would have not been able to finish my thesis and graduate from college.

However, there will always come a time when things start to go downhill. We have to learn to accept that there are those things which do not last forever, hence, we have to let go. With regard to our partnership, that time has finally arrived.

I say, not “goodbye”, but “see you around” to Bendita because I know we will never part ways entirely — since she is just there in my room at my parents’ house. Now it’s time to say “hello” and welcome my new laptop and partner, Buchoy. I look forward to producing more wonderful outputs with this kid. 🙂

Still A Kid At 22

my new gadget

my new gadget

I’m not going to deny it. Definitely, I am still a kid at heart and in mind, perhaps. Probably when they say men mature slower than women, I took the thought too seriously. But hey, I’m not complaining. I love being a kid, even at the age of twenty-two.

Even though I’m already a graduate from college and already working for about a year and a half, I still haven’t grown out of those things that made me happy as when I was a child. My love for video games and gadgets remains unchanged.

Recently, for my birthday, I bought a new handheld game console. My mom’s initial reaction was to tell me “You still haven’t moved on from these sort of things, huh?”. In response to her query, I simply smiled the way kids smile when they get what they really really want.

Not that I don’t want to grow up, but I just want to enjoy myself while I still can. This is the only time and the only way I can see to be able to enjoy the money I earn. Somehow, these are like my frustrations when I was a kid — since I don’t have the capacity to buy my own things back then.

Cheers to all the guys — and girls, too — who will never lose touch with the kid in them! Here’s a song for us. Enjoy being a kid…forever. 🙂

Scent of The New

I simply love the scent of new things. Whenever I buy a new book, I love flipping its pages in front of my face and smelling its pages. It refreshes me, like I’m about to start a new adventure by reading the new book I acquired.

Another smell I like is that of new gadgets. The box, the user’s manual, plus the bubble wrap (in case it’s fragile) brings me excitement.

The scent of newly cut grass is also wonderful. It refreshes my mind and eases my tense muscles. It feels like I’m detoxifying when I breathe the fresh air from the province and inhale the sweet scent of freshly cut grass.

And now I smell a new year of existence coming, or rather it has already arrived. That is plus one on my age and plus a year’s worth of experience and wisdom on my mind. I look forward to another year of creating wonderful memories with my friends and my family. Also, I am grateful for being blessed with another year to pursue happiness and achieve my dreams.

The scent of wonderful things coming to my life is definitely in the air, and I am ready to embrace them. Bring it on, world!