cut through

Cut Me Through

I hear you whisper
sweetly to my ear
So inviting, you draw me
close to you with no fear

My hands trace along
your curves and your lines
I yearn for your embrace
and you thirst for mine

Your cold touch sparks
a fire inside of me
Suddenly filled with warmth
I’m drawn even closer to thee

You kiss my brown skin
as my mind started to beg
Until my senses turn numb;
my head, my arm, my leg

Slowly you caress me
and chills run through my spine
You go deeper through
as if telling me, “you’re mine”

A sudden shock eventually
brought me back to reality
I find myself on the floor
soaked in a red shining brightly

The secret affair was done
so you drop on the floor
As I try to keep awake
reaching for the door

I hear you whisper
seducing me once again
I see you and I wonder
what my mind truly wanted then

silence

Silence

When all that’s left is silence,
there is nothing you can do
but to endure the cacophony of voices in your head
at two in the morning
in the middle of that cold dark room.
One tiny voice tries to scream
to keep the sanity inside that head
but the million other voices
seem to think otherwise.

When all that’s left is silence,
your senses seem more alive.
You can feel the darkness creeping in to your soul
freezing everything inside of you
as its claws touch your heart.
And even though the heart pumps more blood
to keep you warm as a sign of protest,
the darkness wins and you fall in to the cold pit
especially made for you.

When all that’s left is silence,
you begin to lose sight of the light.
You become trapped in an abyss
where not a single sign of hope is visible.
And no matter how you cry,
how you howl or scream or shout,
nothing will answer you back from all your whining.
Nothing at all, even your echo will be afraid
to reverberate within the emptiness.

When all that’s left is silence,
the past slowly walks in and fills the emptiness
with all of those moments, those memories
that you have been trying to erase with utmost effort.
Yet here they are, endlessly haunting you
and trying to bring back the excruciating pain
from the wounds you thought already healed.
Tears roll down your cheeks quietly because you already know
that crying out loud makes no difference.

When all that’s left is silence,
you suddenly find yourself bare and unarmed
in a duel against the scariest of foes.
It is ‘You of the Now’ against ‘You of the Then’
fighting for the right to be the ‘You of Tomorrow’.
Opening old wounds, creating new ones,
not realizing that neither one comes out unscathed.
In the end, the ‘You of Tomorrow’ will similarly be
scarred and scared of living.

When all that’s left is silence,
there’s nothing left to hold on to
as if every one you love has left you behind
empty, frozen, and unimaginably broken.
You hear voices screaming your name along with words
that make you doubt yourself even more.
All you are left with is a small piece of self-worth
that you keep in your pocket to push you forward
yet swiftly vanishes on the palm of your hands.

When all that’s left is silence,
you’d feel numb and beat and sore
from fighting your inner demons within the edges of your mind
as they burn your soul until it leaves you behind.
As always you find yourself alone and cold,
up against the things that scare you the most.
You even wonder what keeps you fighting,
you question yourself how you win each match
and end up facing a new day to live.

When all that’s left is silence,
you try your hardest to calm yourself down
so that sleep can finally embrace you
and tuck you under your warm blanket.
Only to be interrupted a few deep breaths later
as the sunlight creeps through the window sill
shedding light once again to your once cold dark room.
You open your tired eyes and reach out for your mask
trying to hide yesternight’s battle scars.

When all that’s left is silence,
you ask yourself, ‘What else can I do?’,
thinking that there’s no purpose to be in this world.
At the end of each day you find yourself
in the same state, so detached from reality.
Routinely putting your mask on and off
and continually fighting your inner foes,
you ultimately conclude that maybe it’s time
to finally succumb to the quiet.

fickle-rain-drought

As Fickle as Rain in a Drought

Sometimes, all it takes is one touch.

From the moment their hands merge with yours, it is not just your skins that meet each other. There are times this kind of touch reaches your heart, touches your soul. They undress you and leave you so exposed that you show them the magnificent view of the universe inside you. It transcends the physical and reaches the depths of the spiritual. You bare all of yourselves to each other without a care in the world, confident that you have found a better and far more wonderful world in each other. How amazing to imagine that with just one touch it brings two souls to a state of euphoria so intense that it transcends boundaries of the self. It can keep you in a high so immense that a once broken self feels so whole again as two souls merge into one.

Yet all it takes is a word, or a lack thereof, to bring you back to the reality that there are things that just do not last. With one word, a world crumbles or a universe explodes. Add a few more and they are like a rain of arrows bringing down a liberated soul from achieving full freedom. But sometimes silence brings a far worse devastation to the heart. It is like a thief in the night, patiently waiting for you to fall asleep before taking away those which you hold dear. It draws you close and embraces you while stabbing you slowly, gracefully, then you realize it is all too late; that as you shed a few tears, you have shed more blood feeling almost no pain.

You suddenly endure the pain induced by something that once gave you happiness; just as Icarus’ wings were burnt by the heat of the sun to push him away from that wonderful feeling of reaching something magnificent yet incredibly fatal. As you fall back to the ground broken into a million pieces, you ask your innocent self how this could happen when all you wanted was just to grab that one thing that you thought could bring you bliss.

But just like the sun, not everything bright and warm is wonderful. Not everything wonderful could provide the happiness we deserve. The things we desire, those we constantly ask for, come as often as the rain during a long and seemingly endless drought. In the end all we have to do is accept that some things are not meant to stay.

Sometimes, all it takes is one touch; one touch to force the universe inside of you to explode and show its grandeur to someone else who becomes your world until eventually it starts to lose its glow; your soul gently dying as they shut their eyes, turn their backs and slowly walk further away.

taking-flight

Taking Flight

In the middle of that seemingly endless road — his jeans tattered, shoes worn out and shirt drenched in sweat — Hope stopped and let out a heavy sigh. His knees have given up on him as they fell to the ground. All energy seemed to have left him as he let his back uncomfortably touch the ground. He raised his right hand to reach for the red sky as the sun started to set. He turned his head sideways and gazed at his flat tire, and then chuckled. Surprisingly, he found himself smiling despite the dawning of weariness and nightfall. Hope found it funny that he can manage a smile and a chuckle in the midst of this sticky situation. He simply didn’t care.

As the sky turned into a deep blue, Hope stood up and sat on the trunk of his car. He stared upon the vastness of the heavens, then a chuckle broke the silence of the night. Funny how the stars suddenly become abundant when he already stopped trying to hunt for them. Life really has a funny way of playing tricks on you. Minutes passed, and as if Life hasn’t played enough tricks on him, clouds hugged each other and cried over the wide empty highway where Hope sat still. As the drops of rain trickled down his face, he felt relieved that he need not hide his own tears which started welling up in his eyes. The rain, he thought, was a blessing in disguise.

By the sound of an approaching car, Hope opened his eyes and greeted the morning sun with a yawn. He woke up feeling new and fresh. It was unusual for this to happen. Maybe he needs to cry himself to sleep more often, he thought to himself jokingly. As Hope unmounted his car, he felt a little spark of excitement as the once empty highway was now bustling with cars. A few stopped to check on him and offer him help. This time, however, he did not refuse. Amity pulled Hope’s car along as they travelled to the next city so that he can have it fixed — while also trying to replenish all the energy he exhausted.

It was amazing, Hope thought, to have another person help him. During his ride with Amity he felt differently — something vastly distinct compared to what he felt during his joyride with Bliss — but a wonderful feeling nonetheless. While in the city, he began his plans for recovery starting from his body all drained of energy until his clothes all worn out and battered. After his moment of relaxation he found a place to get his car fixed. As he waited, he stayed a few more days to explore the city.

Hope had witnessed a series of sunrises and sunsets as he explored the city and experienced all its wonders. After wandering around with no certain destination, he finally decided that it is time to leave. He grabbed his keys, started his engine and stepped on the gas pedal. As he was driving a few meters out of the city boundary, he heard some faint engine sounds from behind. In a matter of seconds he found himself driving along with Amity.

As they drove forward to the limits of the never-ending road, they have experienced a lot of amazing things Hope never thought he would be able to do. They have shared with each other stories about their journeys and made new memories along the way. One fine day, while taking a break from their long drive, Amity told Hope some plans of going somewhere far away that the only way to get there is by travelling through the sky. Amity invited him to come if he wanted. Hope suddenly felt like his mind jumped off a cliff, free falling. The idea sounds exhilirating and fun, but something was holding him back. There was fear in his heart — the fear of stepping out of his comfort zone and going wherever the winds or waves may take him. After that crossroad incident he has become too afraid to trust once again. Hope is afraid of being left alone once more.

Hope’s worried expression slowly vanished as he saw the smiling face of Amity. It was as bright as the sun shining from the sky enveloping his heart in a warm embrace. His lips curved upward without him knowing. Suddenly it hit him, it is time to leave the past behind and start a new journey. The uncertainty of what’s beyond may be scary, but Hope has decided to go for a free fall so he can unfurl his wings and learn how to fly.

Sealed With A Kiss

Love, RosieLove, Rosie by Cecelia Ahern
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

For this book, I loved the way it was told through a collection of letters, email exchanges and chats. The characters felt real and their stories, relatable.

But then, I guess because it felt too real that it made me feel frustrated with Rosie and Alex’s love story. They couldn’t seem to just get there. It took them almost fifty years to finally find their way in each other’s arms. Yes, it was a happy ending, but I still didn’t feel that happy — I’m not sure why.

For the Epilogue, I was expecting Rosie to be grabbing a pen and paper after reading the last letter and then before she ends her reply Alex would knock on her door and instead of writing the words she wanted to say all this time, she would finally say it to him face to face. But that’s just something I imagined. The ending was still romantic.

After finishing the book, I still felt frustrated for all the missed opportunities which presented themselves to the main characters. I was wishing that somehow, they’d get together and finally face some dilemmas “together” instead of facing challenges keeping them apart. I guess that’s why there were some parts (particularly in Parts 4 & 5) that felt a bit dragging because it just presents same problems in different settings all over again. Probably that’s why I felt really frustrated for them.

Also, I can’t stop thinking that Katie and Toby’s love story was told as a wake-up call to the main protagonists. The Katie-Toby story was Rosie and Alex’s could’ve been if only they were brave enough to risk their strongly founded friendship and going beyond one step higher.

I guess, from what I gathered in their story, timing is such a fickle friend. You never really know when it’s going to help you or when it’s going to leave you in a battered state. Anyway, I hope I get to move on quickly from this frustration since Rosie and Alex finally found their happy ending. 😉

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Unfurl Thy Wings

Angelology (Angelology, #1)Angelology by Danielle Trussoni

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Although it took me a long time to finally finish this book — due to always forgetting it at my parents’ house and starting to read other books — I still felt like I have just read it a few days ago.

The day I started reading it, it gave me a renewed interest in reading the Bible’s old testament. I suddenly felt the urge to look for clues regarding the Nephilim and Angelic beings. I was so hooked about Angels that, during my break times at work, I randomly searched for scientific articles and fictional stories about Angels and other celestial beings. Apparently I was deeply absorbed by the subject of the novel that I was inspired to write a story — which I planned to write as a novel but never actually finished — of my own.

Even though there were pretty long breaks between reading certain chapters, every time I open the book once again it felt as if I just stopped reading yesterday. I loved how real the existence of Nephilistic and Angelic beings felt when I read each chapter. As I progress through the story, it feels as if I was riding on a roller coaster — exhilarating, dangerous and magnetic. Even though there were certain revelations which I already assumed will happen, I still felt shocked on how engaging they were executed. Now that I finally finished reading it I suddenly feel the longing for the next book.

I’m giving this book a rating of 8/10 and I highly recommend it to readers who find interest in a science-and-faith sort of thriller books. But just a reminder, readers should be able to appreciate such literature with an open mind.

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Awkward Beginnings, Happy Endings

A review of the movie, What If.

I have recently watched the movie, What If, starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan. Honestly, I found it quite hard to write about the film because I felt too much about it that I can’t think as objectively as I should. Therefore, I shall be sharing my comments about the story more than the technicals.

Within the first few minutes of the movie, I was already smiling to myself. Generally, the story was told quite fast. However, it was visualized in such a way that you get a deeper emotional understanding of how the main characters’ love story is progressing. Sure, the main plot and the ending was sort of expected but the tiny details that tie each major moment together were beautifully done which made watching the movie fun.

Besides the fact that the movie felt terribly relatable, I loved how it showed the harsh realities of making relationships work. It felt real and that was what made the story really engaging. How meeting someone in a very awkward situation and having awkward conversations can spark something special between two people is an interesting way of starting a love story. The way the characters moved, thought, conversed and breathed their stories to create the big picture was done fairly well.

The soundtrack for the film plus the animation were simply perfect in improving the storytelling. The main plot of the story was not really novel but the way it was told and laid out was done amazingly well. The music conveys the feeling of each moment clearly and the thoughts that the animation were expressing were also showed well. I also found their animated engagement story at the end credits really informative for those who would keep wondering how they ended up engaged after coming back to Toronto. It was not essential to the main story but it is a good add-on for certain audience — like me — who might start asking about that little gap before their happy ending.

Overall, I’m giving the story a 9/10 rating. It was amazingly done and it will surely make you feel something. The main story might seem to be considerably fair like all the other happy love stories, but the storytelling was wonderfully executed that you’ll end up smiling even after watching the movie.