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Loops

04:53 Eyes cannot seem to close and fall back to sleep no matter how tired they feel. Pain crawling from neck to the shoulder. Staring blankly ahead not knowing what to look at. Only darkness and silence filling the void.

07:13 Pulling away from the blanket’s tight hug, trying to push a way out from comfort. Eyes slowly scan the faint shadows around the room, trying to figure out how this little personal space looked like as if it’s the first time seeing it again. Moving every muscle to make that heart start pumping blood all over the body just to find warmth in the middle of this wintry morning.

07:35 A sip of coffee and a bite from a sandwich. The bitter and the sweet kissing the lips, making the heart feel warm and the mind wide awake. Sunlight slowly creeps in through the window and the deep abyss becomes a home — or so it seems.

08:06 Basking in the sun amidst the cold winter breeze. A quick puff of a cigarette while thinking of taking the very last breath. Wallowing in the idea of finally succumbing into the darkness filling the heart. Then the heat from the cigarette butt kisses the lips, burning the whole picture of disappearing from this world out of the mind.

12:37 Half the day has passed; the mind rejoices. The time to slip back in to the dark void is nearing once again. All this time, enduring the small pain induced by the brightness of others’ existence.

16:18 Mind is half asleep. Heart is weak and beat. Soul is drained to the very core. All of these hidden behind a cute little smile. Only the body endures the whole fiasco that living in this world entails.

21:39 Darkness has expanded from the heart to the vast heavens. Finally, the world slowly surrenders to the quiet. The body drags the mind, heart, and soul back to that dark void called a home. A home where all of the demons wait to suck out all of those tiny bits of light accumulated throughout the day. The very reason why the mind does not keep any brightness anymore.

23:40 Once again, on the bed, in the middle of the dark room. Silence blankets the whole being and kisses the cheeks good night. Heart and soul hopes for sleep to come quickly to block out all of the noise the mind is making as it keeps bickering with all those demons inside. A typical scenario every night. It gets tiring but it can’t be helped.

00:51 Finally, peace and quiet. But the mind knows it will only last some time before the demons return from their slumber. For now, however, this shall do. Rest is so hard to attain nowadays.

04:47 Eyes cannot seem to close and fall back to sleep no matter how tired they feel. Here it goes once again, just like an eternal spiral that keeps sucking everything in. No matter how hard the mind tries, things will always come back the way they were. Hence, the soul keeps begging for freedom from this worldly pain. Hope has already left years ago. There’s really nothing much left. But the heart struggles to keep at it. And the mind keeps pushing all those demons away every night. And the body keeps enduring the pain that life has to offer.

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