He touched me.
That’s what I wanted to say to my mom who is currently staring down at me while I sit on this stool beside the bar in our kitchen. But I’m afraid to tell her. I know she’s mad at me, I can feel it in her glare. But the man was scary. That man makes me more afraid than her piercing glare. I don’t even know how to tell her how it all began.
I was trying to shift my weight on the stool when mom suddenly grabbed my shoulders and looked at my now sullen face. Her eyes do not feel like sharp knives piercing through me anymore. They are more like crystals now, shimmering in the dark because of the tears welling up. I looked at her and I felt more at ease. I took a deep breath and tried muttering some words. My voice was shaking.
“Just tell me how this happened, Alex. I’m not really mad. I was just worried for you. You could’ve been hurt you know?” said my mom.
I felt both end of my lips twitch drawing a crooked smile on my face.
“He… I…” I couldn’t find the courage neither the words to say things as accurate as possible.
“Alex, look at me.” Her voice sounded more stern. My fist clenched and I felt my body stiffen. Slowly, I raised my head and looked at her eyes which have gone back to their piercing-knives mode. I swallowed hard and kept my eyes on hers. “You know I hate it when you lie. Sweetie, just tell me the truth.”
“I’m scared,” I breathed out the words as if I’m sharing a secret to an ant. She knelt in front of me and leaned forward.
“What was that, honey?”
“I said I’m scared, mom!” I shouted, or more like I exploded. The shocked look on her face made me think I have offended her in the vilest way possible. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for losing it…for losing it to him. He was scary, mom. I felt scared. Whenever he looks at me, it gave me chills. I don’t know why my heart raced when he started walking towards me. He… I… He…” I broke down.
“What, Alex? He did what?” She sounded worried, so worried it broke my heart. I never wanted to make her feel this worried about me. “Just tell me the truth, my baby boy. How did it begin?”
“He touched me.” I finally said it. I then realized my sobbing stopped and I’m finally looking at my mom with a straight face. I saw here eyes widen a bit, as if expecting me to reveal the world’s greatest secrets to her. “He touched me here, then my body shook. I was totally scared.”
“So you’re telling me it’s all his fault?” She stood up her arms crossed in front of her, one eyebrow higher than the other. Once again, her glare pierced through me like a stick forced through a marshmallow. I saw her jaw tighten. Now she’s really mad. “Young man, didn’t I just tell you how I hate it very much when you lie?”
“No! It’s not a lie! It was his fault.” I jumped down from the stool and grabbed the end of my mom’s blouse in an attempt to convince her.
“Alex, if you’re just going to blame your older brother with all of this again…” She cut herself off with a deep sigh. My knees now started to shake. I realized how much I’m afraid of my mom more than my older brother.
“I… He really was the culprit!” I tried once more to convince her, but to no avail.
“Alex, no! Stop blaming Matt when everything you do goes wrong. You have to learn to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. I can’t believe you! You lie just to save you own butt and point fingers at other people? This is not a good attitude, Alex. Your brother touched you? And that’s it? I’m not buying that story, Alex.”
“But, mom.” She stormed out of the kitchen. I hate my brother for all of this. He makes my relationship with mom difficult. She won’t even believe me when I tell the truth.
I don’t know why my brother is such a bully. He keeps doing things that make me look bad. I did it once to him, but now mom thinks I’m the one who always does mischievous things. Now I’m looking at the very root of all this, the empty pack of Skittles in my bag which lies on top of the bar. I know it was my brother who took it from the top shelf and ate it. How could I have done it? It’s too high for me. My mom was furious because I could have fallen if I stood on a high chair in an attempt to get that little devil. But it wasn’t me. It was him. Then why was it in my bag, she asked? Well, I remember earlier today when we were walking home from school. I felt it, my brother’s touch. He touched me on my shoulder and whispered something to me from behind. I thought I heard my bag’s zipper open and close but I wasn’t so sure. Now I know that he slipped it in my bag when he whispered to me, “You are in big trouble, mister.” Then he scurried away laughing his evil laugh.
I hate my brother for doing this to me. I will avenge myself. Just you wait, Matt. Just you wait.